Is it the wind? Or are you crying, mother?

Today. It's Halloween. The last day of my tiring month. The end of a short chapter in my life. 

Starting fresh again. Everyday appealing. I'm going to let myself go for now. 

(Not in a whoreish state)Maybe you'll notice me when I get out. But, you're right. I need to learn that you are going to be an ass sometimes, you are not always going to be there for me. I need to learn that we have separate lives now. We're different people. We may or may not care for each other later. And I probably repeated this a thousand fucking times in these blogs, but I have to stop thinking about it. So, what I'm going to do is start to figure myself out. I probably need new relationships to straighten me up. I need to take care of business. If I want to do what I have planned for my future, I need to do what I GOT to do. I'm going to keep my music abilities live, considering I have locked them up for about a year now. I need to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I know I'm wild about lazy-body-me, but I do need a real break with friends from time to time. I need to worry about me, not everyone else. I know I tend to speak my opinions out, waaaaaaaay out of hand. I need to learn to control that. As well as my maturity. I'm also going to take care of my body more. No, I don't mean eat like Sandra Bullock and exercise every single minute of my life. But I should walk or jog a few blocks every day, or do jumping jacks from here to there. And cut back on some of the junk foods I eat continuously. I need to get clean. Getting rid of this acne once and for all. I want beautiful skin. And this is how I need to do it. I need to make myself prettier more often. Not that I should be uncomfortable, or constantly wear makeup. But, as attitude and looks. It focuses on how people see me, even if I don't care what they think. I will have a busy life for the next six years of my life. And it'll just get worse. But, all this work. It leads to me being happier and excelled. I'm glad I'm piecing bits of my finishing years of high school with these lovely people. And I never lead myself into any trouble. LUV DIS FAMILY. I had a great time tonight. HALLOWEEN CANDY. Colton. Aurora. Adam. Bubba. Momma. Poppa. These are my friends today. 

My life will be wonderful. And I'll feel better. I don't need you right now. But, I will miss you. Take care of yourself. We'll be happy too. If. 

You know me. Like you know yourself.
Grown to be like everyone else.

Born to be a black sheep.

To change almost everything.

Pulling table clothes just to notice the true beauty.
I am no ordinary.
But I'm just like all of you.

You see.

I live in a house.

I'm sure you do too. 

Just keep on.

Figures. I'd let something like this fuck with me.

Keep pulling my nerves.

Stretching my skin.

Let me be bothered.

Let me be free.

Figures. It fucking figures.

Lately, I feel like hell. BUT. I don't really care. Going to school getting work done. Just like you. Doing whatever it takes. I'm frustrated about relationships. Not mine. I care about mine, just. He knows what I mean. Like my parents. And my friends' relationships. They are all bullshitting me. Haha. I just want to take some of them and talk to them about my opinion on what they should do. And. FORCE IT ON THEM. Haha. Not that they're going to listen. As long as they are happy, I suppose I'm okay. No need to be dramatic. 'Course, I've been losing it without speaking to you, but who isn't over here. And I know in a couple of days I'll start feeling better. I know I can live without you. 

Why don't real people understand love?

 I know what love is.

 I haven't experienced it yet. 

But I've seen it.

 And that doesn't look like it.

Apparently you know what I mean.

"Hi, I'm on meth. I'm not sure if you haven't noticed. I figured it'd be pretty obvious, I keep breaking out on my forearms and I'm pretty thin to the point where my shoulder blades rise to the middle of my neck. You see, me and my boyfriend. Pshh. We go crazy on what we got. What we got. Like... NyQuil. And other stronger things, of course. I used to date this guy. But, hey. I'm a liar so I'm going to say I never dated him because I'm too embarrassed about my previous life which hasn't changed much but my classy (irritating) personality. So, I'm going to stay home. All day. All fucking day. And either fuck my boyfriend. Snort Asprin. Or lie about everything that can possibly make my life look better for as much attention I can get. SO. Peace. Oh, and why don't you ever come see me? :( "

EAT YOUR FOOD, TINA.

Stinky.

You are the one in this church.

What?
What does it all mean, Mr. Hope?
When can it all begin?
When I leave?
When I stop?
When she stops?
Mr. Hope.
What is a prayer unanswered?
What is a song with no sound?
What is a face with no sense?
Do I just dream? Dream of what I have already tasted. Dream of what could no longer be a part of me 'till then. Mr. Hope? Should I miss him? Is it entirely worth it?

Tonight.
I want to kill Colton Smith. As well as you other two.
Tonight.
I have use this stupid iPhone for this.
Tonight.
Is the worst night I have ever starved through. And it is not even over.
I hate you all right now.

I MISS YOU, Though it shouldn't matter. I know, I know. You are busy. I hope. In a good sense. Not whoring around are ya, boy? Haha. But, you know getting through this is the best I can do, baby. And if that's not enough for you then I guess I'm wasting my thoughts. Don't just keep my hopes up. Warn me ahead of time. But hey, we know. It's a bitch. And I hope you start feeling better. And you getting some big money, nigga. Once again, I miss you. See you soon. <3 I like you, a bunch. And. I'm hoping you read these. Anywho. Lol.

Screaming. Like there never was.

Two Pink Floyd songs. And you can have it all, mister.

My life feels better now. Arby's. King of the Hill. My two favorite people always on my mind. New clothes, new septum rings. And soon new bras and panties. Wooh, this is just the skin I'm in. The mood I create now. I can't wait to know what the things I will enjoy, I will feel in the future. 

For now, You. Aurora. Clothes. Halloween. All the best things I will constantly look forward to.

Oh, boy.

GREAT.

Jump.

I did it.

Jumped into conclusion.

Fly.

I did it.

I flew into the right path.

Learn.

In the process.

Teacher.

Teach me.

Love me.

Understand me.

You getting me something for my Birthday? Anyone? LOL.

Wake me up, before you go-go.

Faces.

 You're full of something.

The many faces that I could pull. And piece together and create god.

The faces. I could choose from.

I choose your's. You're full of something.

The face that I can point out of a crowd.

Of the many faces. I could choose from.

You are the god. 

You're full of something.

Gave my first singing lesson today. Missed band because I felt like shit. Getting the official results for my hypoglycemia tomorrow. For now, I'll continue eating. Unfortunately, it makes me feel better. Lot's of weekly homework. And I'm tired as fuck. I miss Aurora. And, I want to read to you tonight. You probably won't let considering you ignore me every time I mention it. Haha. Oh well. I smell like cigarettes and powder. And my lips hurt. I want to cuddle. And pass out. Ah. Ashleigh, what has gotten into you? Ashleigh, wake up.

You kitty. 

A song I just enjoy. 

And like an idiot I believed you.

Know it all. 
You should know, my friend.
You should open my eyes. I'm entirely human.
You should know, my friend.
That the aftermath of this all, we'll express the thin line of welcome.
You should know, god. 

I felt like a goddess. I could breathe. You fucked that up.

I had the toughest weekend. I almost forgot my name. Band made a 2. Which is better than we expected. Let's fix those individual mistakes, kids. I think I'm hypoglycemic. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow evening for official results. School is going to be slow tomorrow, I can just feel it. But oh well. I haven't slept all weekend until last night. I could be better emotionally. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. I think.

I feel awful. And you should know why. I was angry. Now, I just want to talk to you. 

I just want to talk to you. 

We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl.

For some odd reason. I find the human body the most beautiful thing. No matter how inappropriate. No matter how people take advantage. No matter how immature. The human body is the perfection of this strange world.

Busy fucking weekend. Let's get this month over with guys. Can't wait until next couple of weeks. Birthday. Halloween. November. Mom's birthday is coming up. I need to plan a bad ass present for her. AND. I get to increase my gauge size. Dat's what's up. 

My idol is Gage Watson. Not only is he inspiring. He is unintentionally hilarious. Making a T-Shirt that says, "Haha, yea." In honor of this motherfucker.

I'm now in RUMP. I have a cute crush on Marcus. Haha, not because he's sexy. HA, that's weird. He's just super cool. Colton's girlfriend is a bitch. I'm sick of men discussing their penis' to me. I want to kill them. I want to cut off their dicks and sew them to their backs so they will never masturbate again. So they will never tolerate women like me again. So they turn homosexual and never speak to me again. 

I can't wait to finish this.

And we can finally write songs.

And we can finally nap together.

And we can finally be alone.

I don't need you. I want you. That's me being honest.

But, I love you enough to hold this thought.

Hold it for awhile.